So this is what it finally comes down to: you, your decision, your desire, and your belief that you are worth fighting for. Make no mistake, this is a fight.
No matter what happened or didn’t happen in your life, this recovery is yours for the taking.
No sniveling allowed. No temptations allowed. You decide. You and only you. You don’t do it for someone else or something else. You do this for you.
You stop punishing yourself, if that is what you are doing. You stop going along with the crowd, if that is what you are doing. You stop numbing yourself, if that is what you are doing. You stop giving in to impulse, if that is what you are doing. You stop using.* You just stop.
You tough it out. You cry, you scream, you try to make bargains with your higher power. Whatever it takes, you vow to stay clean. You make a vow to yourself. You make a solemn promise. No one can make you weak. Nothing can make you deceive yourself. You do this for you.
You do it for self-peace. You do it to live. You do it for self-love. You do it for self-repair. You do it with gratitude for the life you have been granted. You do it even though it is a step-by-step battle.
Start by forgiving yourself. Start by being realistic that this is tough. Start by knowing there will be that dynamic duo of temptation and opportunity. Start by acknowledging there will be cravings and disappointments. But there will also be good things, great things too. At the close of every clean day, you will be a winner, yes, a proud winner.
In addition to the daily multiple times you do the mantra I Control Me, I now want to add a bedtime mantra. Every night without fail, several times, silently, but loud in your head, say, Every day, in every way, I get better and better. Every day in every way, I get better and better. Program. Remember, you are programmable.
Adjust your attitude to one of happier. Talk to yourself and tell yourself what a great decision you have made. Something inside is always listening. Speak to yourself with love. Smile at yourself in your mirror. Be committed to your recovery. Manage your disease. Manage your life. Manage your happiness. Face the future with hope, and know that you will deal with what comes your way as a sane, straight, clean, and sober person. This is within your reach. No matter how far down you have fallen; get up. Get up.
Take a nice deep breath right now. See yourself as you really can be. Visit that image a lot. Let your brain make new pathways because of these images. That is really what your brain will do. For real.
Right now, see your future self. Fight as if your life depends on it because it does. No more self-deception. No more. Begin to honor yourself. Demand of yourself to change. Pray to God. Ask for help.
Get help. Get help. Get help.
Ask and you shall receive. You deserve a good life. Go get it.
Believe you can.
*Be certain you are medically evaluated so that you will know if you need a medically supervised detox.